Monday, February 22, 2010

Too Much Too Soon

A friend of mine had a question for me about a certain part of The Only Way is Up in the chapter for single ladies very early this morning. It got me thinking. I'll share the quote first:

“For one of my friends, she always seemed to literally fall in love too fast. It was always like falling off the edge of a cliff for her. And somehow, this seemed to scare the men away. She just could not learn how to slow it down just a little and let the man even attempt to catch up with her. If the man lived out of town, she was getting on a plane to go visiting or driving down all the time to see this man who was not making the same effort. She blocked all other avenues of meeting or talking to any other man once this person that she liked started to show the slightest interest. She started to plan her life around the man very early. The man would then give up and move on. She was doing things that would be perfect if the man had committed and they were engaged but this was even before the man knew which way he was going.”

I had to read it over and it got me thinking. Many women have been guilty of this at some point in their lives. We get all wrapped up too early in a relationship and somehow we think the more we do, the more the man will like us and want to be with us. Being the strange creatures that men are, they draw back and get suspicious instead and may even run. My conclusion is that you should give of yourself in small doses even as he is giving of himself. If he is holding back, he is either not into you or he is not there yet and you should hold back a little too. If it doesn't work, your dignity and pride will at least be intact.
A man staying with you and falling in love with you is a combination of some intricate things that only men seem to understand but trying to force it or do too much too soon does not help.
Finding the right balance is the challenge however. Some women hold back too much and come across as not caring at all. This also does not work because men still do want TLC!
What are your thoughts? Please leave a comment.
Thank you.



  1. Flaky, Amazing stuff here! Just found out about your book and blog tonight. Good job.
    On falling in love too quickly, it sometimes works for some. If the man already made up his mind that he loves the woman, she had better not hold back too much or he might give up. But generally, I agree with you.
    Most importantly is that both parties must be careful to keep their heads working and not just their eyes. there is a lot to consider before commiting to a life long relationship. When you get it right, you'll always be grateful.


  2. Hi! Thanks for stopping by. You are right and that's why I added that at the end and made sure I included the exact quote from the book. This is very specific advice for women who keep having the same scenario repeatedly and they don't know how to break it. It's for women in their 30s or over dating men who have been bechelors so long they don't know if they are going or coming! My point is it is not how much you do. If the man is serious and is already in love with you, it will be obvious. It is not something you have to bring out of him by making an extra effort. That just kills your self esteem. It happens a lot. Then it becomes a case of the more she tries the more he slips away. The thing is he was never really there. But it breaks her heart because she tried so hard. When it is real, it is not hard and it's wonderful and amazing!
    Keep coming back....

  3. I would like to know which Deola wrote this comment in case she wins the book giveaway! Please send me an email: