Thursday, February 4, 2010
Can a woman raise a boy to be a man? What is the role of a father in a young girl's life?
This is a question that comes up almost on a daily basis in this country because of the disproportionate number of single parent families in our society. I have heard so many different arguements. "I don't need a man to help raise my child," said a woman on the radio the other day. "I own my own business; I drive a mercedes...." But then we hear of cases of young boys becoming teenagers and it suddenly becomes very hard for their single mother to cope with them. Or it could be the young lady who has no self esteem and has no idea what to expect of a man because there was no example. Not to blame the mothers who sometimes did not make a choice to be a single mother or even the fathers who for one reason or another cannot be part of their child's life on a daily basis. Some people are unfortunate, some people are unwise and some people make bad choices. But the people who really suffer seem to be the children involved. And there is such a huge absence of fathers compared to absent mothers...I don't want to write too much. I'd prefer for this to be interractive. What is your take on this? Is it alright to just have kids out of wedlock and choose to be a single parent? Is it fair on a child to have one and not both parents? Can a woman raise a boy to be a man? Can a young girl have a balanced upbringing without her father?
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Very interesting topic! It is never fair to deprive a child from their father. That said, there are other circumstances besides a mother's choice for the lack of involvement with the father. Some women never want children badly and have never found the right mate. So they choose to have one on their own. Some women just make the wrong choice and are left as single parents. So the bigger question is why the high volume? What is the mentality that everyone carries around that says single parenthood is ok? Who is validating this and why? Is is because it's silent? After watching, Black in America (part 1). I wonder...
ReplyDeleteSo much too talk about on this topic!
Valid point Traci. I do think however that there is a kind of epidemic of women who choose to go ahead and have kids without a man just because they can and that has caused a skew in the balance in society. In Nigeria when I grew up, we had probably 3 families in the whole University campus where the women just chose to have kids out of wedlock and raise them in a single parent home. It was however not the order of the day. The fact that there are streets in certain parts of town in America where there are no families with a father in the home is the problem. Not only do you not have an example in your home, you don't have an example next door or anywhere that you know.
ReplyDeleteYep. Sooo much to talk about concerning this for sure...
I am on the fence when it comes to this subject.I feel that I personally do not need a man to help me raise my children, But my children do need the influence and upbringing from a male role model. I think that the male role model has a very important place in a childs life whether that child is male or female. I feel that my children would not be who they are without thier father and grandfather in thier life.
ReplyDeleteTiffany Eskew
So true Tiff. It becomes a problem when the attitude of not needing or wanting a man is generational and not only is there no father, there is also no grandfather or responsible uncle as a male role model nor is there a neighbor male role model... It's the escalation of the pattern in epidemic proportions (I use that term again!) that becomes a societal issue.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input guys. Watch this space...
I feel that it is selfish for a woman to have a child knowing fully well that her relationship with the father isn't sound. I know your audience are likely to knock me down for that comment but from my own experience of having to go to court for contact with my daughter, I've come to the conclusion that both parties don't think it through before having a child. A daughter definitely needs her father's guidiance.There are things my girl's mother tries to teach my little one that she gets immediately I open my mouth. It's not about shouting but merely having a figure that she seeks confort in talking to. There's something about being a Dad which makes a young girl sit up and listen. That's not to say that women can't bring up children on their own; merely it's better if both partners do the job together without fuss.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you are entitled to your opinion. Women should take a greater responsibility since she's usually the caretaker if the relationship goes south. There's never a guarantee that a relationship will remain intact. A child needs both parents indeed. So, do you think women are selfish when they decide to approach sperm banks, etc?
ReplyDeleteI took this question to some of my other social networks and I'm placing this response with permission.
ReplyDeleteFrom Ty -
A woman can not teach a boy to be a man but she can teach him how to respect and appreciate a good woman and know her worth.With the love and dedication from her love he can grow not only knowing how to love but also how to be loved. The role of the father in the life of a girl is priceless he sets the standard for which she will be evaluating her... See More future husband and teaching her how a true man is surpose to love a woman and not just love on a woman. His insight and sturness shows her how not to settle for anything and be willing to work for everything she wants
Wow! I love the responses. Keep it coming. This truly is a really deep issue. Anonymous, we definitely appreciate your input and sometimes it's good to hear it from a man who is going through it. Like Traci said, it's not always a choice to do it alone and I'd never knock anyone down for that. Things sometimes do just happen. But for those people who take it lightly and selfishly and consciously make that decision based on their lack of need for the man and not considering the child's need for both parents, it's time to look around and see what 'monster' we are creating in terms of a societal problem and think twice before making such a move. It's not just about being able to afford the child and all...Just stop a minute before you decide to have a child by yourself and think of what disadvantage you automatically put that child at from the start....Your decision might be different. That's my advice. Time without number I have heard single mums admit that at times they blame themselves when the child starts to have problems that clearly are related to needing the other parent in closer quaters, even in cases where the father is in the child's life. People have admitted crying themselves to sleep and wondering if they would not have tried harder to keep that marriage if they had known what they were doing to the child...
ReplyDelete