Why do men cheat? Topic for another day eh! Marriage>Cheating>Divorce…Is that the normal order of things? Is that the only expected outcome? If there is cheating, there has to be a divorce? The day after the Tiger Woods story broke, Larry King interviewed Joel Osteen who as usual had the most amazing comment about forgiveness and restoration and it was quite humbling to hear in the face of all the media frenzy and the noise on the airwaves.
I have some celebrity examples: On one end of the spectrum we have Hilary and Bill. “I did not have sex with that woman.” Lol. We have Elin and Tiger of course. Then we have John and Elizabeth Edwards as well as Jenny and Governor Mark Sanford (Mark Sanford who had “Met his soulmate”, he told the world). Then we also have the ex-governor of NJ James McGreevey and Dina Matos (he did not give his wife a chance to stay because he was gay!) Then we have the ex-governor of NY Eliot Spitzer and wife Silda Wall Spitzer? Need I go on? Sadly enough, these are not the first couples to go through this and they definitely will not be the last. One would think people would actually learn from these public examples but apparently not. It keeps happening. It doesn't help that the media blows it up and we have a fascination for negative outcomes so to speak. People applaud when there's an ensuing divorce. What's your point of view? And what would Jesus want us all to do-those affected and those watching? Please leave a comment. We would love to hear your opinion.
Please feel free to attack me! All comments are truly welcome. I understand this is a very sensitive and controversial topic and there is no one-size-fits-all kind of answer....
Why do men cheat????
ReplyDeleteI would say that GOOD men when their spouses deprive them of the intimacy that is required to keep the love growing. Intimacy here is not sex! It is the daily communication and peaceful co-habitation that is required to nurture the relationship.
Women tend to keep things inside them and 'sillyly' seek advice from the people that least have the right answers to their questions. They ask friends, relatives, colleagues and sometimes even so called spiritual leaders, but they hardly ever ask the person who has the right answer. Their spouses. When they do ask, it's in a confrontational manner. This makes the man withdraw and this in turn leads them to denying the man sex. Hmmm!
This will usually lead to the man seeking solace somewhere else, and most of the time, it is just sex. There is no level of intimacy involved.
A continuous cycle of this will usually lead to both parties finding themselves in some form of clandestine relationship and this as far as I am concerned is the true infidelity. When you begin to have relationships that you can't afford to let your spouse know about or discuss with your spouse.
Why do women cheat?
ReplyDeleteThank you once again anonymous! You are correct about how it happens though it does not make it right. We may need to discuss both "Why do men cheat?" and "Why do women cheat?" in more detail later. What makes the difference between those who go ahead and cheat and those who don't though I believe is integrity and upbringing. The marriage vow is a covenant that involves God. And actually, most women talk too much and not what you say about us keeping things inside. That's what I hear people complain about more. I guess both extremes have the same effect of making the man withdraw possibly. Hmmm....DEEP!
ReplyDeleteI believe that no matter Who,what,when,where,why,or how cheating is wrong. When you said your marriage vows it was for better or worse and in sickness and in health. I dont believes that cheating should always mean divorce. I believe that mistakes even cheating can be forgiven and worked through but i also believe that a mistake is something you learn from and don't do again, so for all these men and women who cheat repeatedly then yes i can see a divorce or separation as a solution because if you continue to cheat then you obviously do not truly love your spouse.
ReplyDeleteWell said Tiffany. You took the words right out of my mouth!
ReplyDeleteWhat is it that makes men run from their responsibility and take the easy way out (cheat) rather than face the problem head on? Do they think they are so perfect and the woman does not get frustrated with them as well? How come most women don't pack it all up and go cheat as well?
ReplyDeleteFACEBOOK EXCHANGE:
ReplyDeleteT.A.:women make it happen believe,cheating is all down 2 women
Folake Taylor: Lol
Folake Taylor: So when a woman cheats, does that same logic hold? Did the man make her do it and will he forgive her like many women forgive their men?
Folake Taylor: I figure it should be fair both sides of the fence, eh?
T. A.: you dey mean fifty-fifty abi,but if u apply that 2 every aspect of life u will find out u women will still complain,hence why man got 2 be first then woman after.
Folake Taylor: Why do men take the easy way out and cheat rather than try to resolve or even leave if they intend to give up on it? Cheating is real low down. If you don't like it anymore, leave, don't cheat!
Folake Taylor: It reflects poorly on you regardless of what the woman supposedly did to make you do it!!!
Flaky!
ReplyDeleteI made the first anonymous post on the Divorce blog, but I see someone has also been anonymous. I will register a pseudonym and join in your discussions, but I need to say this. I am a man. I love my wife to pieces. I do my able best. The lines of communication are always open, but I never seem to do enough.
She would rather talk to her friend and co to know how to DEAL with me. She does not tell me what is inner most in her mind and she expects me to have a clear mind and make money.
Should I go on?
Hmmmmm!
It may sound like a MCP statement, but my strong belief is that men cheat because their women drive them to it. I also need to say the some men are just dogs :) I also need to say that women have overtaken men in the role of infidelity where I live right now.
Wow! Thanks for sharing and that is enlightening. It's hard for me to relate to women who do not talk to their husbands cos in my neck of the woods, women talk too much is the problem. I understand what you mean by women "driving" their men to cheat but we really are responsible for our actions ultimately. And as for women cheating more than men, it's hard for me to relate to that as well. I hope we all get our heads fixed though. I never talk to my friend about issues in my marriage. Friends will mislead you! How do you trust them enough to know they want the best for you anyway? Also, because people tend to paint a one-sided picture of events (me included; natural human trait!) I will paint a picture that makes me look good and thus the advice I get will be skewed. My sister-in-law wisely told me when I got married never to discuss our issues with anyone, not even her. I have wisely kept to that and it works. We keep it in the family...lol.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input though and please keep coming back...
We all need to strive to act right even when we feel we are being pushed not to. I'm sure your wife has her side of the story and feels you pushed her to withdraw or something...Mars and Venus!
ReplyDeleteCan't we all just get along?
ReplyDelete