Thursday, February 18, 2010

Communication in Our Relationships is Key!

It came as a surprise to me in the course of responses to prior posts when I found out that men are complaining about their spouses not communicating with them but rather turning to their friends to find out how to deal with their husbands. I just had this discussion with my nurse who is a very good friend as well. I probably spend more of my waking hours with her on the weekday than I do with my family by the way. But we have never asked eachother for advice about how to deal with our spouses. We talk about ourselves all the time; our familes, our kid(s). But I would never go to her to tell her about my issue with my husband and seek her advice. The very nature of human beings and how we seek to be right makes it such that when we do that, we give a view of the story that favors us. That automatically means the advice I get from such cannot be balanced. We do this to validate ourselves but end up hurting our marriages if we take this kind of advice to heart and act on it. If I am married to the man and I can't figure out how to deal with him, why should my friend?
It is surprising to me also because in my neck of the woods, women tend to talk too much and we have to check ourselves in that regard because men obviously shut down when there is "too much noise" and we don't let them get a word in. It is a revelation to me that men who cheat (and attribute it to their wives pushing them away) as well who believe women cause men to cheat (even though they haven't yet) are saying women do not communicate with them enough and turn to others instead. Where are these women who "keep things inside" and won't let their husband know what bothers them? I don't know
The thing is however, neither extreme is good. We need to communicate but with mutual respect and just enough that the other person gets the point but without abuse, belittling them or being rude to them.
Please do not go outside of your marriage to ask people for advice. If it's that bad, get professional counselling from a marriage counsellor or your pastor. Let's keep it in the family.
Comments please...

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