Sister, Let that Fool Go!

Folk look at you and wonder what’s wrong with you
“Why she can’t keep a man?” they say behind your back
“Somethin’ wrooooong with her,” they say in a deep southern drawl
But you know what?
It’s those fools you keep going out with
Those fools you open your heart up to
The same fool in different forms
Over and over
That fool, who was beneath you on day one
That fool, who was still beneath you when you finally moved on
Why don’t we value ourselves, my sisters?
Why don’t we wait for a worthy man?
A man that will compliment us
A man that will bring out the best in us
A man who is NOT threatened by a strong (black) woman
Get tired of the abuse
Take control of who you choose




© 2011 Folake Taylor

Too Much Too Soon

A friend of mine had a question for me about a certain part of The Only Way is Up in the chapter for single ladies very early this morning. It got me thinking. I'll share the quote first:

“For one of my friends, she always seemed to literally fall in love too fast. It was always like falling off the edge of a cliff for her. And somehow, this seemed to scare the men away. She just could not learn how to slow it down just a little and let the man even attempt to catch up with her. If the man lived out of town, she was getting on a plane to go visiting or driving down all the time to see this man who was not making the same effort. She blocked all other avenues of meeting or talking to any other man once this person that she liked started to show the slightest interest. She started to plan her life around the man very early. The man would then give up and move on. She was doing things that would be perfect if the man had committed and they were engaged but this was even before the man knew which way he was going.”

I had to read it over and it got me thinking. Many women have been guilty of this at some point in their lives. We get all wrapped up too early in a relationship and somehow we think the more we do, the more the man will like us and want to be with us. Being the strange creatures that men are, they draw back and get suspicious instead and may even run. My conclusion is that you should give of yourself in small doses even as he is giving of himself. If he is holding back, he is either not into you or he is not there yet and you should hold back a little too. If it doesn't work, your dignity and pride will at least be intact.
A man staying with you and falling in love with you is a combination of some intricate things that only men seem to understand but trying to force it or do too much too soon does not help.
Finding the right balance is the challenge however. Some women hold back too much and come across as not caring at all. This also does not work because men still do want TLC!
What are your thoughts? Please leave a comment.
Thank you.

Folake.

Dr Phil: Sugar Mamas and Smart Women! (February 17th)

I never watch Dr Phil. I didn't know what channel he came on or what time he came on. But I happened to turn the TV on this Wednesday evening after a day off of running erands, my radio interview etc. The first person I recognized on stage was the millionaire matchmaker who has been looking really good lately and has had the best of advice in all the interviews I have seen her in recently. I always viewed her show as a joke but nowadays, she sounds more like a life coach than an entertainer. I found out she recently got engaged and it all started to make sense. In teaching these girls about men, she had found love. Good for her. The basic principles are the same. It's just much more fun when you love the person. Incidentally, marriages in certain communities have nothing to do with love and more to do with mutual respect and a commitment. These actually statistically work better than countries where it is all about love and not much of anything else. Anyway, I digress.

The topic of the day on Dr. Phil: Sugar Mamas and Smart Women. I had no interest in the Sugar Mama part or so I initially thought but it was just figurative for women who are breadwinners apparently. I caught just the tail end of the discussion but it had me practically on the floor with laughter. Thankfully, most of the trascript is online as well as some clips. I was tempted to purchase the DVD or have them email me the whole transcript till I stumbled on enough of it on their website...I'd called for the price and all actually!

Under the main topic, they talked about When She's the Breadwinner. Some decide this really does not work. They have a clip about women and housework. There's a related article: Parity in Single-Income Families.

Then they talk about how you can be powerful and nurturing at the same time under Smart, Successful ...and Single. Here's a comedian's take on Dating in America! Hilarious!!! The accompanying article is Single and Sick of It?

Here's the part that got me the most: A video of Dr. Phil's producer and her criteria for men. The hilarious part is millionaire matchmaker's comment at the end. She was on the money. That comment made my week really since I'm still talking about it.

I hope you have the chance to read these highlights from the show and the clips. And I hope you are as tickled as I was and more importantly, that somebody learns something from this even amidst the jokes.
Later my people.

Folake.