Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Should You Ask a Man About His Sexual Orientation? (Book Giveaway opportunity...)

Sounds like a strange topic for a blog post right? Well, not really. The thing is this. I have a whole chapter in my book "The Only Way is Up" about the single life and the search for Mr Right. It's titled "For All My Single Ladies." But I write about so many different things in this book that in the whole year since I released the first edition, I have not gotten to actually breaking down this chapter for the ladies. I need to.

My week started off with a bang on Sunday night, as my second Blog Tour with BooksAnd... took off. I had a great radio interview with Character Corner's Attorneymom, possibly one of my best actually. Monday was great with For Colored Gurls. Then came Tuesday morning and I got one of the most explosive mixed reviews for this book on Reading Has Purpose. Not to bore you, the person's bone of contention was mostly with this chapter for single ladies, especially my comment concerning the issue of sexual orientation (which got me thinking about it), as well as my culture shock chapter. Evidently they have a problem with my delivery. Opinions allowed. Moving right along. It was a fun night on Love Radio with Shivawn Mitchell within a few hours, ending my night with a bang. Today has been just as great with Sol Searching and especially Melissa J Dixon who simply blew me away with her review. Please follow the rest of the tour if you please. I even got Glamazini's review video in advance (another mixed review!) and I'll share it with you before it posts tomorrow. So far, there's been 795 views on youtube!

I digress. So, I thought about it, the issue about sexual orientation and asking a man you are about to get into a relationship with directly about it. And yes, I did advise it in my book and infact, I indeed had this discussion with my husband when I first met him. I came straight out and asked him if he was attracted to men or if he'd ever had a relationship with men. I'm not stupid. I know people lie all the time. But has anyone heard of a group of people who will not lie to you even though they will take advantage of cracks in the wall all day long? And did anyone hear of Dina Matos or Terry McMillan and how these downlow ex-husbands of theirs turned around and said over and over that these women knew they were gay but just ignored it? Can you imagine anything worse happening to you? Not only does he destroy your basic trust in the human race for life and leave you heartbroken, he has also convinced himself that you knew, to free himself of guilt. I know asking will not prevent every case of this but for an inherently honest man, a discussion such as this might make him draw back or even tell the truth if they already harbor an attraction to the same sex. And if they truly thought you were ok with it, then they'll know you're not. It might just help somebody. It was a rule I adopted while I was dating anyway.

Among other things I mentioned is that in the developed world especially, we should conduct background checks on people we have not known for a long time as is often the case. It's easy and inexpensive to do now so why not? Does it hurt anybody? I think not. In the Bible, people married from their hometown so they knew their history. Back home in Nigeria, parents will delve into family history, even if you don't.

I also talk about working on one's self as a woman to get to the point where you are whole and one with God and in a position to be added to someone else, a man. It's 1+1=1 with marriage. Weird math that is. If you are half or a quater, the union will not be whole and may be temporarily or even permanently shaky.

Some of the other important points I harp on are being an individual, self esteem, self worth, confidence, and so much more. I will try to touch on many of the key points I raise in this chapter and the rest of the book over the course of the next few months. I just wanted to give you a teaser. For today, let's just try to share about this sexual orientation thing.

What say you?

(By the way, free copies of "The Only Way is Up" can be won by participating in the Blog Tour, mostly leaving comments or whatever stipulations each blog has put up such as tweeting about it. Get yours! It's FREE.)


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