Thursday, June 24, 2010

I am NOT My Face!

One would think that in the year 2010, men would somehow start to possibly understand that the most insulting thing to most women is to be treated like a piece of meat or a commodity. You see a handbag on the shelf and you like it-visual. You see a cute pair of sandals and want it-visual. You can see me and like how I look but you cannot love me and want to marry me just by seeing my facebook headshot. Common dude! You are not even on my facebook page to see pictures of the whole of me or to get an insight into what goes on in my head by being part of a conversation or something. When you proclaim your love for me just based on my face, that is about as bad as shooting yourself in the foot. Do you even know what the word "love" means? Now the fact that I am married with a child is just an added reason why you should really know a little more about who you're sending stupid and senseless inbox messages to.

Here's the message I got in my inbox yesterday. To protect the sorry brother, I will take out any information that might identify him:

The subject line read verbatim "i love you i want to married you kindly called on me 0**2546436**5"

The body of the email read "Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle."

I of course found it very hilarious and put that as my status update the same way I have done here of course protecting the man's identity. In the meantime, I reported the message evidently. The attempt at poetry would have been cute if I knew him and was single. The grammar would still kill me though!

I then got a lot of responses on my page about this. Unbeknown to me, I had another sorry brother like this one also as a facebook friend. Unfortunately, after I became an author, I had to let down my guard about accepting people as facebook friends on my personal page because I realized many fans of my work wanted more interraction than is possible on a fan page alone. This brother said and I quote:

"Why are U treating this guy like a criminal by disparaging him on FB. There is no harm in a man telling U that he loves her. All U have to do is to say ' Thank U'. It is unfair for U to make him an object of ridicule on FB. What U have done may backfire as most men may view U as a loud woman. Only GOD knows where U gonna find your husband. This is one of the reasons why some women stay beyond 40 before finding a man."

Birds of a feather evidently! Before I got to facebook this morning, my friends had blasted him and told him I was happily married and settled. Do people even care to check? My husband's profile is linked to mine on facebook! That was done on purpose. I promptly responded and told him I'd wait till he read my response before I deleted him. Then he responded as such again:

"All human beings are wired differently. Our views and opinion can never be the same. Some people including you may see stupidity in what the guy has done while others like me may view it differently. This guy has exhibited anti social behaviour at which your response would have be...Thank U ...and move on. Every man has the GOD given right to propose to any woman and the fact that you disagree with his manner of approach is not enough for you to take him to Golghutta. l am happily married with children and l am not looking for but when a young woman goofed, l will do my best to correct her bcos "Agba kiiwa loja , ki ori omo tuntun wo", says a yoruba axiom. If U still wanna delete me from your FB, pls go ahead."

Talk of chauvinistic and narrow-minded. Since when does every man have a God-given right to propose to any woman? What an insult. He even called me loud. Social networking is part of an author's job. That's especially so for a non-fiction author. I need to be loud to encourage dialogue. I need to be loud to garner and reach my audience. I need to be loud to encourage laughs. And if it ain't funny to you, keep it moving. Thank him for what? Thank him for looking at me like a piece of meat? I am so much more than just my face. I deleted this brother also and blocked him thereafter. I can so do without this negativity and insult to women as a whole.

I do have a sense of humor and all this is really hilarious but I will also not be insulted. I get inbox messages all the time saying I'm pretty or whatever compliment and I do respond with a thank you and remind the men that I am married with a child and my husband can find them! And they act accordingly and everybody's happy thereafter.

Needless to say, there are a lot of freaks and psychos out there. There are probably even more you will encounter on facebook than in real life because on facebook, they can hide for a period.

Women are not a piece of commodity. We have personalities, we have brains and we are so much more than what we look like on the outside alone. If you're a man and you're yet to understand this, please do now. Women are NOT a piece of meat!

Like India Arie said,
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectation no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within...

Get it right brothers



  1. I cant laugh! He probably did not sit down and read what he wrote before he posted it to your profile! Talking without thinking methinks!

  2. I think women get that a lot more than men. But I see what you are saying. One time, I put a picture of a magazine that I was featured in on my myspace profile pic. I had so many men, who were already connected by way of myspace friends, come on to me. I mean, everything... marriage proposals, compliments, date requests. It was my personal mission to embarrass each and every one of them by publicly commenting that I was a man and I don't get down like that. Oh man, I got deleted and cussed out and other I was the person in the wrong... Go figure.

  3. @ Olaolowatomi, I agree. @ Joey, that is hilarious. Oh my goodness. Poor you. And it's really not a big deal when you give me a compliment or even ask to know me better. Like you said, it's annoying if you're already on my page and know I'm married and all. If you're not on my page and can't see my profile, I just thank you and let you know I'm taken. But professing love based on my headshot just got me and then someone on my page defending him and insulting me was a little too much. Oh well. One big comedy I guess.

  4. Facebook comments:

    Y.O.: Nicely presented Folake, please don't stop saying it out loud.

    Folake Taylor: Abi o Yomi. If all guys could just be like my wonderful male friends like you, we will not be needing to make noise about stuff like

    Y.A.: sick silly sicko senseless, iinit?

    P.R.E.: You know what Folake, many females on FB find this attention alluring and flirt with these lunatics, making it difficult for decent ladies that is trying to either just be friends or network. I know one individual who told me how she speaks to many 'brothers' as she puts it, not just on FB but on her cell phone. Men know the difference between ladies and just a piece of meat, but they will still try to push your buttons to see how far they can get. One read my status yesterday and wanted so badly to know who was messing with me, because if someone messes with me they are also messing with him. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I am not sure what these men think when they see a beautiful female, but they really need to stop behaving like we are must raw meat, and see us as beautiful intelligent ladies. I have deleted so many off my page and still deleting. I am here to network and have a great time with great people and not the lunatics that’s just posing as friends and taking unnecessary space on our pages.

    Folake Taylor: You are so right Pauline. I am here literally as part of work and there's no harm in some laughs on the side but these people kill me. I still had an inbox message yesterday that said something like: "I like your pose. I'd like to get to know you better." I don't even take offence at those. I just give my standard answer of being married with a child and wish them well. But to see my face and profess love is beyond me. And the guy who went off on me is even worse. I could not believe him. (Sigh)